Arnold Schwarzenegger’s movies have always been my favorite. 

As a child, I remember watching Terminator 2 over and over again on a VHS recording of the movie from HBO. My mom had asked my best friend’s mom to “tape” it for me, since we didn’t have HBO — My dad remember’s me watching it when he left for work and when he returned home. This went on the entire summer.

My Uncle loved Arnold; we would get together a few times a year to have Uncle/Nephew day’s in which we would play Stratego, Atari, eat pizza and watch Schwarzenegger films.

Commando
Kindergarten Cop
Predator
The Running Man
Total Recall

These were some of my favorite’s back then.

Now, it’s been years since I’ve seen most of these, so I thought it would be fun to Review and Rank Arnie’s movies.

I’m a little embarrassed to say, that there are a few of these movies that I’ve never actually seen before. Our first review happens to be on this list of shame.

Hercules in New York (IMDB), is one such film. I’ve only heard that it is awful; It does not disappoint.

Best part of the film.

Let me tell you how awful this movie is…I had planned to make this a YouTube series, where I went through and reviewed each movie and updated the ranking as I watched them in order of release. I could not watch any more of this horrid film. I wound up watching it a second time and clips over and over again until I just stopped. I’ll probably still do something on YouTube with this, but I digress.

There are 2 voice options for this film, depending on where or how you attempt to watch it.

  • The original release has Arnold’s voice DUBBED. The voice actor is terrible and doesn’t fit with Arnold at all.
  • Arnold’s acting is robotic (insert Terminator joke). He almost seems like he has no how to act on camera.

Quick Synopsis (the plot is paper thin):

Hercules is bored and wants to leave Olympus to explore the world. He leaves against his father, Zeus’ demands and literally flies down to Earth.

Herc meets up with a sidekick, Pretzie; a guy who sells Pretzels.

The two of them somehow get involved with the mob. Hercules meets a girl, goes on a date and fights a bear, and eventually winds up competing in a weight lifting contest…I’m not joking.

Hercules & Pretzie getting ready for the weight lifting competition.

This is clearly a very early acting attempt by Arnold Schwarzenegger. Some of his films are campy and bad, but still have that charm. Hercules in New York is not one of these films. It contains bad acting (all around), no plot, poor filmography (there are some abrupt scene transitions). The god’s are not even consistent; some names used are Greek (as they should be), while some of the Roman names are used.

There is some more to the movie, but it really isn’t worth getting into. Let’s cut to the chase.

I rate on a 5-Star Scale:

1 – Awful – Stay Away
2 – Bad – Didn’t like it
3 – Okay – Mixed bag
4 – Great – Really enjoyed it
5 – Amazing – Must watch

Hercules in New York is an easy 1 out of 5; It is awful.

I have watched it, so you don’t have to.

Don’t bother, it’s a waste of time. I’ll never watch this movie again. I’ve already seen it more times than I would like during this whole process.

Now, since this the first Schwarzenegger film I’ve watched (I’m watching them chronologically), it unfortunately will debut at the top.

I completely expect this to stay at the bottom, as my worst ranked Schwarzenegger film.

Next up will be Conan the Barbarian. I haven’t seen this film in probably 15 years, so I’m really pumped to watch it.

Side Note – I know Arnold has been in a few other films between Hercules in New York and Conan, but they weren’t really major roles. I may check out Stay Hungry at some point, but it would be more of an honorable mention and won’t be included in the rankings.

Ranking:
1 – Hercules in New York

Read about another bad film, You Should Have Left, here!